Saturday, February 16, 2008

The hazards of grocery shopping... part one

Being a woman isn't really an excuse because I know plenty of men who love to shop. There are people who love clothes shopping... gadget shopping... and grocery shopping. Those of you who fall under the last category "lovers of grocery shopping" are a twisted bunch, in my opinion. Especially if you do your grocery shopping at Super Walmart.

If you take offense easily you should press on because the truth is sometimes a little backhanded and what I have to say about the crowds and about walmart is no joyful dissertation.

For centuries bargain shoppers across America have flocked to this overpacked, understaffed bustling treasury of prepackaged processed food and jettison. With "Rollback Savings" as the slogan of middle-low class Myspace pages we've certainly given in to the consumer mentality they are banking on. I for one have been and will again shop at Wal mart. But for what it's worth there are a few "beefs" (no pun intended) that I have with this place.

The first is the staff at my local supershack. WHY oh WHY are there so many people working in the craft department but never enough working at the deli? At the lowest point in my walmart shopping debacle I have waited TWENTY MINUTES for sliced meat. Simply for the fact that I wanted to see how long it would take for them to slice meat I wasted almost half an hour of my life. I will never get it back. This woman behind the counter dawning a freshly stretched hair net asked me "What can I get ya?" and I asked very politely for one half pound of thin sliced turkey. This request would be the death of me. My first mistake was not specifying the brand and genre of turkey I would like. "Do ya wanna have smoked, hickory smoked, honey baked, roasted, Jeannie-O, Sara Lee, Boar's Head..." OH. MY. GOSH. So I specified very clearly, "I would liked Roasted Jeannie-O turkey, sliced thin." And she looked at me like I'd asked for a deep fried mars bar. I repeated myself, again, making sure to pronunciate my words clearly and it finally seemed to seep in. So she goes over to the meat case and gets out the END CAP of a roasted turkey. Dread setting in to my mind now... She turns to me and says, "Hun, we're all outta roasted turkey by Jeannie-O can I getcha Sara Lee? But it's not on sale, you'd have to pay the full price." By now there is a line of angry huffing customers waiting for their super bargain deli meat and I am feeling the pressure. So I say, "Yes, yes that's fine I'll take whatever you've got." So she finally gets the meat out of the case after rewrapping her end cap of Jeannie-O and unwraps the Sara Lee and we're finally getting somewhere when she turns around and says, "Hun, what number do you want me to slice the turkey on?" All I can do to keep myself from screaming is say, "As thin as you can get it without actually shaving it." I can hear the woman behind me shaking her head and drumming her fingers on the cart handle. If the looks could kill I would be six feet under by now.
So finally we're at the slicer and she has unwrapped the meat and all I can imagine now is that this woman is going to turn on the slicer and slice her fingers off and then some angry customer behind me will yell, "Look what you've done!" and kill me.
But she gets slicing and seems to be doing well until I realise that she has started to shave the turkey. I decide this isn't a big deal and watch her finish up. I'm dreading the next question but I know it's coming... "Would you like something else, hun?" And the question that has been bouncing around in my mind.. Do I really need cheese...? Finally I decide that turkey without cheese is like peanut butter without jelly.. so I say, "Yes, one half pound of Stella Provolone Cheese." (I'm prepared with a brand name this time.) And it's like the entire line behind me is groaning and whispering about me. My palms are sweating now. Where are these people? Shouldn't there be more than one deli slicer person here? Are they all at lunch, what's the deal? So she gets my cheese and I'm thinking yes, this only took a few seconds and then she turns around and scratches her face with her gloved hand and I'm thinking.. oh crap. So she says, "Sorry I need to go get a new glove and the box is empty so I have to go in the back and get a new one." I'm practically shaking now. There is an angry mob of people behind me who just want a pound of roast beef and I am in the way of them getting it. I'm afraid for my life.
So she comes out with her new glove, all smiles and chipperness and I'm about ready to reach across the counter and...
So she gets the cheese and brings it to the slicer and starts slicing a piece and then she picks the piece up off the counter, turns around and announces, "IS THIS THIN ENOUGH?" And all I can do is meekly shake my head that it is. She goes back to the slicer and starts to slice and I'm looking at the clock thinking... "that can't be right..." and when I look back at her she is INDIVIDUALLY seperating each slice of cheese with a piece of deli paper.
So I'm getting ready to run when she turns around, finally done slicing, and wraps up the cheese. She puts the sticker on it and says, "Can I getcha anything else?" And I SWEAR I could hear the lady behind me begging me to say no. Twenty minutes. That is the time it took for me to get a half pound of turkey and a half pound of cheese.

This is only part one, folks. Part two.. that's a whole other story.

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